I must admit - I am counting the minutes until this day is over! I am physically and mentally exhausted, my knee is screaming at me, my hands are creepy from BoxTopping all afternoon, my clock is all off from trying to keep everyone happy and I feel myself slipping into that whiny place that no one ever wants to visit and certainly no one wants to live!
The morning after a sleepover is hard on me - I can only imagine how difficult it is for mom. An extra person in the house, an extra voice coming from other rooms, kids staying up WAY too late (they finally came upstairs at 4:45am - Keaton tried to fib his way around it, but he's no match for me at 4:45am - that's my brain's peak activity time!!!). Anyway, I kept mom and I on schedule until the kids started to appear at 10:00am - first Keaton, no problem, then Patrick, always throws her off and then Raegan - uh-oh! the new one - the one that doesn't quite look right, does she? And, of course when she came down, she came and sat in the chair with me as close as she could be - just like Peyton...I could see mom's wheels a turnin'. When Peyton appeared - mom started twisting that kleenex into oblivion!
It all fell apart about lunch time - I kept mom on her schedule - but why wasn't anyone eating with her. I logically understand the absence of her short-term memory, but the fact that she can't remember 3 kids and a grown man eating muffins and cinnamon rolls and strawberries and making a fuss and a mess and all the chocolate smiles and the laughter still makes me go "hmmmmmm..."
We ran to Sprouts so R could get something gluten free for breakfast since she wasn't in the mood for grits and I didn't want to cook bacon. Sadly, the best looking thing in the case was a 4-pack of chocolate cupcakes - not technically breakfast, but really a cupcake is just a muffin in dress clothes. Then Peyton had to get chocolate, chocolate muffins, cinnamon rolls for P and K and organic strawberries for everyone. Anyway, we didn't get back and at the table eating until 11:15, so lunch at noon was out of the question.
The sweetest thing about this new experience is how safe mom feels with me - as soon as I walk in a room (as long as there is no one else around) she settles down and falls asleep or watches tv or looks at the newspaper. Today, something kind of new happened - I'm not sure if it was due to the extra kids in the house - Murph had a friend over in the afternoon too - or if it was just a new discovery. I have a bunch of Box Tops that need to be cut, counted, bagged and sent in before the school year starts, so why not work on them sitting in the living room with mom. She clearly didn't like it - what was I doing? Why was I doing it? What is a Box Top? What is a Box Top? What is a Box Top? She was every bit as anxious as if I was talking to someone else or gone for the afternoon. The worst would happen when I was counting - she would ask me what day it was and I thought I could finish up the 50 before I answered....NOPE! I think it took me at least an extra hour because I finally gave up and when she asked a question, I just started over.
Extra kids, a volunteer project, a couple of phone calls, meal times all messed up made for too much Friday.
I think the thing I am wrestling with is finding a balance between keeping her contented, keeping our life normal for my family and not taking her cranky too personally. I am not going to ask my kids to give up their friends, activities, movies, games, singing, dancing, playing and all-around loud familiness that takes place and makes our home a home. But, I don't want to dismiss her, I don't want to try and reason with her, I don't want to patronize her, I don't want to hide from her and I don't want to banish her to her room.
Alzheimer's creates situations that destroy everything you've learned about difficult situations. You can't reason with the person, you can't set down parameters, you can't talk things out or expect rational responses. You have to rely on love and patience and gratitude and an occasional glass of wine and a place to vent.
Do you suppose I will read this in 10 years and remember things with the Cybil Shepherd lens? For right now, it makes it somehow easier to deal with because I am writing it down, working it out, telling my story. T-minus 42 minutes and counting until the bedtime routine begins...I am ready to let this Friday go.
Mom is in full-blown Sundowners. She will not be calmed down and she is mad because we don't think her questions are quite as critical as she does. The kids are watching a movie, I am on the computer and she is angry that no one will be as mad as she about whatever she is mad about. I have kindly answered the same question 15 times, but she is feeling a little off center. She doesn't want to go to bed, she doesn't want to talk, she doesn't want to pet the dog, she doesn't want the blinds open - and now she doesn't want them closed. Poor thing. I promised the kids they would get until 9:15 every evening to call the house their home - because once we start the bedtime routine, we have to follow some new rules - it will be much easier once school is back in, but for tonight - 26 minutes to go!
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