Some days she laughs it off, some days she smiles and says "I ought to know that!", but today she is angry. And she is angry and everyone around her - I believe she thinks we may be doing something to trick her or that is causing her to forget or think she is living in a different time.
She clearly doesn't know me today - she knows me, but on days like this, I think she thinks I am her personal assistant or home health aid...and today she is complaining to me about me! It's funny and it's hurtful all at the same time. It's funny because the things she is angry about haven't happened, but it's not worth the time it takes to explain that. It's hurtful because although I understand she has a disease, I am trying so hard and making so many sacrifices that I want her to say thank you and appreciate me and my family.
It's been 6 hours since I started this post - and the day hasn't gotten any easier. Peyton had a friend over, Tammy, mom's lead therapist came by and Theresa from REACH came by. Too much action for mom. It's times like this when she gets her most confused - I think she is trying to force everything that doesn't make sense into a scene she believes is her life. The girls are new residents at Meadowlakes, the visitors are nice ladies thinking of moving in or visiting some other resident, I am Nanette and Sophie is the lady down the hall's dog.
Now, my house still looks nothing like Meadowlakes. The girls are 11 - how can you make them into 75 year old retirees? I totally get how she confuses me with Nanette - I do many of the things we paid her to do - we don't look alike, but we act alike. The lady down the hall has a cat...if Sophie knew, she would be one mad dog!
Mom has been visiting "way back when" today - I bought a watermelon - her very favorite food in the universe. Well, back in the day, they raised watermelons on Grandma and Granddad Perry's property, so she keeps wondering if they still have cows and raise watermelons. She also asked if I knew them and if they hired me. I don't believe I ever even met them. I know we have a picture of them in her things, but they have been gone a LONG time. It's so hard to watch her believe in her mind that she is still young and they are still alive. She told the doctor (with a bit of sass) that she knew exactly where she was - in Fowler, where she's always lived. She also told him she thought she was 47...sigh...
On the bright side - I have been the master of interference today - protecting the kids and Patrick from her anger. I can deflect and distract with the best of them! And I had a great swim at the pool this morning. I got in some great cardio and some pretty good strength in the channel. I also had a wonderful visit with Theresa and made two doctor's appointments I have been putting off. I got pizza delivered so there was no cooking at dinner and it was a hit with everybody. Peyton had a great day at her dance intensive and Keaton got new cleats for football.
I guess I am over the sting of today - and it's no wonder - there are so many more things to be thankful for that to be upset about. If the worst thing that happens to me in my lifetime is answering the same question 30 times in one day - I am luckier than most. Superman found his way around kryptonite - I guess I will too!
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