Miscellaneous from day

Challenges can equal frustration or solutions or coping or laughing or crying or avoiding or just plowing through...

Similar to the whole if a tree falls in the forest thing...if I need to make chocolate chip muffins while making mom's breakfast and she is in the other room going through morning routine, will she be able to tell.  Strangly, yes!  It's the whole instinctual thing I am starting to tune into.  She can sense when something is different, wrong, out of place...it's weird.  And it's tough - because I can no longer sort the laundry in the family room unless I am prepared to answer questions about what is piled in the corning 40 times (sure makes me move quicker start to finish!)  So this morning I wanted to make chocolate chip muffins for the kids and mom could tell I was doing something different...was it the clang of the metal mixing bowl?  The smell of chocolate?  The heat of the oven?  What????  Interesting!

When I have to leave the house - I no longer try and be honest with mom in detail.  I try to be honest...for instance, today I had to take Peyton to her dance performance - get there early for them to line up, wait in the blazing hot sun, film her dance, fuss over the girls and then hopefully meet the rest of the family for lunch.  So I told her I had to take Peyton to her dance studio and that I would be home.  She asked how long - I said I wasn't sure, but at least 20 minutes.  It was true and 20 minutes doesn't upset her.

I had a friend coming over to work on a project today and I let mom know they were coming, told her not to worry, stayed in her sight line the entire time - what I learned was even though she appeared to be sleeping or watching tv, every time we said "Seniors" or "mom" she turned her head and asked what we were talking about.  And if one of the kids stood between us and she couldn't see me - she stood up and made sure I was still there.  She was a little upset that she didn't have my undivided attention, but she was less jealous of a stranger than she is with my own kids!

Mom has adopted a favorite cup - we have stacks of these colorful plastic cups (probably 10 ounces) for the kids to grab water, milk, juice in - some are holiday themed, some just colors.  Mom has adopted the one with a big "Grinch" face on it - the Grinch sneer, to be exact.  She loves that cup.  It makes her laugh, she refers to it as a "he", she talks about it and jokes about it with the kids.  It also makes her drink and I am under doctor's orders to keep her hydrated.  So thank you Dr. Seuss! 

Mom wants to watch tv, but she can't hear it - she also can't keep up with the closed captioning, so volume is the only option.  BUT it's so horribly loud that after about 3 minutes, we can't stand being in the same room.  It reminds me of what Larry C used to call "Bass Fatigue" at the OT2...that's a fun memory!  Anyway, mom loses interest really quickly and if I watch out of the corner of my eye, I can tell when it's okay to turn the volume down.  I think she really just needs to feel like she's doing something WITH us.  She can't really follow a movie anymore, so it probably frustrates her to try and watch the entire thing.  She also wants to feel like she is "fine" - no dementia, no arthritis - "fine" and being able to watch a movie with the family makes her feel "fine".  And once the charade is complete, she is watching a movie with us - she could care less if she can hear it.  So I turn the volume down so we can all watch the movie (and mom can pretend to watch) until something triggers her need to hear it again.  Usually I can get 15-20 minutes between volume spikes.  I'm used to it and consider it a win...I think the kids are still deciding!

Now it is bed time - mom keeps asking if "that is her room" and then wandering in to make sure.  I ask if she is tired and she says no.  Then is starts over.  Eventually (t-minus 20 minutes) she will know instinctively that it is time for bed and we will begin that routine.  I have to be careful how I answer her question - she can sense when I am not being kind or sincere or positive and that can take us down a dark, eerie path.  I like mom on the lighter side!

Just some miscellaneous from the day - a good day, I might add.  Counting my blessings!