Found it!

There are days when I am pretty amazed by my patience with my new life.  I have lots of "techniques" to help me find my center during the stress moments - counting to 10, prayer, finding the beauty in something, being thankful, laughing, watching food tv or just running upstairs to make a bed or fold some laundry.

Truth is - I don't really think about the effort it takes to be patient until I am talking to someone about my day or they ask questions and I explain some of the conversations and rituals mom and I go through daily.  One of my friends asked me the other day - "so, where is your breaking point?"

Today I found it!

It's a long story with no one at fault, BUT mom raised her voice at my daughter today and apparently - that's my breaking point!  I was still pretty darned patient considering, but I was ticked!  The worst part of the entire episode was my mom's inability to show any compassion or good manners or heart.  Alzheimer's is a cruel disease - for so many reasons, but especially for this.

Luckily, we had to leave for dance shortly after the ugliness and although I could tell mom had a vague recollection of "something" happening, but by the time we got back - it was over.  If I let myself think about it - I can tell I am still angry.  If I talk about it - it's funny, sad, frustrating and I don't feel the anger.

Luckily #2, we are 10 minutes from bedtime routine and I can do anything for 10 minutes.  In classic bedtime fashion - we are focused on what day it is and what day tomorrow is.  She also has started talking in her loudest voice to no one in particular about how she really isn't tired...and then she nods off...and then she wakes up and says it's too early to go to bed...and then she nods off...7 minutes to go.

I wonder if my mom ever came to my defense like I did for Peyton today?  I can't remember it if she did.  I wonder if Peyton will remember this.  I love the line in "Only You" where Marisa Tomei says "I know he'd fight tigers for you."  I've always known I'd fight tigers for my family - who knew mom could be a tiger!?