The day after the adventure

I've been thinking a lot about yesterday and how difficult it was for mom (and in turn, for me).  Obviously, I will never know what is going on in her mind or how she processes things, but even though she has zero clear memory of what we did yesterday or that we went anywhere or saw anyone other than the people she always sees - something registered.

This morning at breakfast she asked me at least a dozen times if she had to go anywhere today and when I said no, she said an emphatic "GOOD!".  I am taking that as a sign that she is started to think of our house as her safe place.

As far as her behavior towards me - the demands, the rudeness, the sarcasm - I have decided (and reserve the right to change my mind at any time!) that for the past 5 years, the only times I have seen mom in person, I have been there to accomplish things or to be a part of some event at Meadowlakes or to be her protector at the hospital.  So, for 5 years as her memory has been deteriorating - when I am in front of her is has been to do laundry or housekeeping or shopping or take her to doctor's appointments, fix her a meal, help her with her bath or to be her advocate at the hospital, etc.  I guess that makes her expectations that I am somehow at her beck and call reasonable.

I have carved time out every week to see that her needs are cared for - and I am usually by myself.  I remember when she first moved here, it was exciting for the kids to come to ML with me to see grandma.  That dwindled pretty quickly - Peyton, bless her heart, still asks to come occasionally, but I think that is because she can sense I need some support.  So I have to admit since mom cannot process the fact that I am with her all day long or that I have a family and a home to take care of, why wouldn't she be put off when all of my attention is not on her?

I swam laps this morning and I took 45 minutes to watch a show with Peyton (upstairs in my room - chicken behavior, I know) - that helps my perspective and my patience.  I am going to clean the upstairs bathrooms this afternoon for some private time and the reward of ticking off some boxes of accomplishments.  I started the laundry - but that is more ongoing than it ever is an accomplishment - especially now that baseball season is over - I have no uniform that HAS to washed by a certain time...so laundry has returned to just laundry!

I have pizzas in the oven for lunch and a salad ready - but mom keeps asking over and over about lunch - so I am going to go bang around in the kitchen so it makes sense to her and she can relax for the next 5 minutes until we all sit down at the table.

The best part of yesterday's adventure is her contentment to stay home today....I need to remember that the next time I am in the midst of the next adventure!