Alzheimer's Catch 22

The funny thing about a disease that takes away your short term memory is - however you basically are/think/act/respond - that's kind of where you're stuck.

Anything social or different may bring a bit of joy or even brief excitement, but it also brings fear and anxiety to the person who is out of their element.  So, if you're my mom, you are going to immediately forget the joy and excitement and since you are now anxious or fearful because you don't know where you are or who the new people are, you are going to revert back to one of two things.

Thing 1:  sarcasm, usually at the expense of your daughter.  Trying to be funny and ending up inferring that I am not very good at taking care of her.

Thing 2:  selfishness, usually at the expense of everyone.  Mom is fond of all things related to mom - not people relatives, subjects, attention, stories, photographs and all conversation.

So today was Patrick's birthday and we wanted to get together with his dad and Sue and the kids really wanted to swim, so we decided to go to their house.  Mom has been there before and seemed to enjoy being there.  She was comfortable, happy to be somewhere new.  That was over a year ago.

Did I mention that Sophie had her first swim today???

I made the mistake of telling her we were going to their house while she was getting dressed and it was floating around in the back of her subconscious all morning and through lunch.  She was irritable.  I tried to keep us on the schedule, but there was so much to do.  I baked birthday cupcakes, the kids were packing the swim bag, getting Sophie ready for a car ride, etc and mom started to get nervous.  At the same time, no matter how or how many times I told her where and why we were going, she would put on a "poor me" face and say "I don't suppose I get to come with you".  She was anxious about going, but she really wanted to go!

It was a tough day.  It was important that we went, but it was a day-long struggle - the car ride, the afternoon - she wanted to be with us, but she doesn't want me to leave her side and she resents it when I talk to anyone else or have any fun.  There was an element of paranoia in her behavior today as well.  And I couldn't calm her down.  If I tried, shed drop the sarcasm bombs or fixate on some weird detail and then talk over everyone about whatever she was thinking about.  I tried the one word answers, the schoolteacher talk approach, trying to change the subject to one of the safe topics (weather, trees, Sophie, Fowler, her outfit or hair) - she just couldn't get past wherever was worrying her.

Today she was rude and mom has never been rude.  She was thoughtless to Jan and Sue and the kids. Sophie wasn't able to help either!

Finally, I took mom home early - she was just too anxious.  And the cherry on the top of my day was when she acted like I was mistreating her because I made her leave the party early.  Daddy used to say "You can't win for losing."  The perfect words to describe today.