Today is a special day - my son's birthday. Funny how with mom around we have to refrain from mentioning it too much - it upsets her and she scolds us for not telling her he had a birthday coming up. It's part of our reality, so we are actually pretty good at the charade. It's a new birthday tradition.
The newest tradition - that I am keeping to myself - is the choosing that goes into any special celebration. Choosing that is necessary because I no longer work and bring home a paycheck. I have chosen to stay home and care for my mom and my family as this Alzheimer's eats her memory and makes it impossible for her to care for herself.
This week's choosing was between meat for dinner a couple of evenings and taking my son out for a special birthday lunch. Between a gift for him and keeping the lights on in both living areas so mom would be comfortable regardless of where she decided to sit. Let's be honest - we can all do with a little less animal protein in our meals and I have legs that still work, so I can run from room to room turning things off and on.
It's just the burden of the HAVING to choose. We are used to a bit of surplus in our lives. Never excess, but always a little bit more than enough. That is no longer where we live.
I have become an expert at juggling. Planning. Budgeting. Price matching. Couponing. Going without quietly. Being grateful for all that we do have. Stretching. Using everything!
I know all the way down to my shoes that I have made the right choice. I know that this caring-for is far more impactful and important than a pedicure or a Sonic drink, but it is also exhausting.
This caring-for is soul sucking on some days when the vibe is off or the weather is cloudy or there's a new pain somewhere or a cushion is out of place and on those days a Sonic drink or a pedicure would be a wonderful option to choose...sadly, I have looked through the pockets and found all the stray ones and coins...so I will choose to take a walk or play a computer game or look through the pictures I have taken during this year WITH my family and know that I have been blessed by this choice.
This post is part of Lisa Jo Baker’s Five Minute Friday, in response to the prompt “choose” I wrote for 5 minutes and published without editing, in 5 minute Friday tradition.
Hopping over from FMF! Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for being open. You have chosen a difficult road, but reminding yourself of the reasons sustains you. Blessings to you!
ReplyDeleteThanks Ami - loved your story too. My kids are teens, so the bounce is lower in our mornings, although they both wake up just as hungry! Stay joyful!
ReplyDeleteI think you've definitely made the right choice Lisa. You will have plenty of time for pedicures later, but this time with your Mom is precious, even though it is so hard to watch. We're watching my husband's grandma slip away...she no longer knows her husband even though she wakes up with him every morning. Thank you for sharing your story here. God bless you on this journey!
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautiful example of self giving love and "becoming gift" for another. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDelete"This caring-for is soul sucking on some days when the vibe is off or the weather is cloudy or there's a new pain somewhere or a cushion is out of place and on those days a Sonic drink or a pedicure would be a wonderful option to choose.." Oh my how I can relate to this. You said it well. I had to quit my full time nursing job to stay home with Richard. It was like I lost my husband and was left as a single mother of 3 when he became so ill. And living on social security is the pits. But we have traded one for another. So I really, really get this
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