ALZ with a head cold...

So, we are experiencing a first in my caregiver world.  A big ole head cold.  Trivial, considering the number of deadly flu cases in the Metroplex, but not so trivial when it feels like some cowboy has parked an F-150 on my sinuses!

Mom doesn't understand head colds unless she has one.  She is very in tune with her immediate symptoms.  Although she can't remember being in the hospital or any illness once she has recovered - but when she is in the throws of pain or discomfort - she knows. 

But when I am sick - she recognizes no symptoms, it would never occur to her to say "Bless You" when I sneeze, she can't remember or empathize or sympathize even when I flat out tell her "I'm sick". She expects (and I expect) breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, the house clean, activities, her appointments, the occasional drive through the neighborhood, conversation and patience.  I can muster most of the above, but the patience is a challenge.

I tend to carry most of my colds in my sinuses for the first few days and then it settles into my throat.  I get croaky and coughy and gravely.  And it hurts.  Vocal rest was always prescribed back in the day before I was a mom and caregiver and actually went to the doctor, but vocal rest is impossible these days.  So, when I have to tell her the day of the week for the 20th time and my voice is raw - I get so frustrated.  Sometimes at her - I mean, I pulled out her atomic clock as a reminder.  I wrote it on a sheet of paper and put it on her walker (along with some other fun facts to help her remember without me answering), I set the white board calendar (with the day circled in purple) in plain sight. 

And sometimes at myself.  She doesn't remember.  It's her favorite point of reference.  I can tell that she thinks if she can only figure out what day it is, all the other missing facts will fall into place.  That's not how it actually works, but I somehow feel in my heart that that is why she asks. It's what sparks this look on her face as she repeats the day back to me that Thursday, or Saturday or Monday should MEAN something.  It doesn't.  And I should be more patient. 

Truthfully, I succeed about 80% of the time being patient with a head cold...down from my 90% on a regular, non-head-cold day.  And just like she doesn't remember that I don't feel well, she doesn't remember if I am short with her.  But in the moment it happens - it makes her mad or breaks her heart.  And she doesn't need that.  She may not know it, but she has enough to deal with every day. 

When I stop and think about how beautifully she is handling not having the vaguest idea where she is or who she is and who I am and why I am and why, why, why without breaking down and crying or hiding under the blankets it increases my patience.

Take a couple more tylenol, blow my nose, wash my hands, grab a mug of hot ginger green tea, say thank you in a prayer or in my journal and caregiver on!