As soon as I saw the prompt, I knew what I needed to write about - and it wasn't for this blog. It wasn't a mom story. It was a daughter story - my daughter. Perhaps it was because for the first time in a lot of days that have somehow added up to weeks, I spent an evening away from my home and from the routine of caring for mom. My son, who was up to his armpits in homework and had to stay home anyway took the reins and my husband and I went off to see her drama performance at school.
So I wrote, for 5 minutes about a powerful moment with my daughter. A moment I probably owe to my mom and this new life of caregiving.
So here I am now...back at this blog needing to share something I constantly push away from that may be one of the biggest gifts I have ever been given.
Small:
Seven years ago my life changed. My step-father died and my mom was clearly unable to take care of herself. So we moved her to Texas since I am her only family.
That's BIG.
The story that changed my life is small.
It happened around a kitchen table in my hometown preparing for mom's husband's funeral. The minister asked the family to tell stories that he could share at the service. And no one had anything.
Mom had some things she was trying to say, but she was grieving and forgetting more and more. But his son of 50 years and his daughter-in-law - both who live about a mile away and their sons had nothing. There was bitterness about a father who worked too much, was away too much, who played golf with his buddies and spent time at the country club.
There was a laundry list of the things he enjoyed. But they were things done with others or by himself. No stories. No laughter. No outpouring of the difference he had made or the hole that would be left.
And in that small moment - my entire world changed. In that small moment - I decided I needed to make stories. Regardless of whether they would be shared at my funeral or not. I had to make stories with my family.
So I brought mom back to Texas and I got busy working less and OCD'ing less and started making stories and a full life with my husband and my kids. And I thank God every day for giving me that blessing. That small moment that has made my life so much bigger.
This post is part of Lisa Jo Baker’s Five Minute Friday, in response to the prompt “small” I wrote for 5 minutes and published without editing, in 5 minute Friday tradition.
Wow, very powerful testimonial Lisa!! I, too, am the main caregiver for my Mom who suffers from Alzheimer/dementia. But unlike you I am not alone. I have many siblings who help me and give me time off from my duties. May God continue to bless you and send you strength as you create your stories.
ReplyDeleteThanks Wendy. I remember as a child thanking my parents for only have me...I'd take it back in a minute. I don't necessarily need the help, but I would give anything to have someone who knew mom "when". And let's be honest...some days I could use the help!!! Can't wait to read more of your journey with your mom.
DeleteWhat a powerful reminder.
ReplyDeleteThanks Mary - just read your funny phone call post...from one Texan (transplanted) to another - thanks for the laugh!
DeleteI loved this Lisa. I am glad that you can take care of your mom. So many cannot and it is a hard job. I worked in a nursing home where we had an Alzheimer's unit. The residents there were some of the most challenging to care for. And it was probably hardest on their families. I am keeping a folder with some of the stories about my husband so that when that day comes, and we all know that it will, we will have stories and pictures to share at his final services. How sad that your step dad's children couldn't think of anything!
ReplyDeletewhat a great idea. I have tried journaling and scrapbooking and nothing really took until I sat down at my computer. These blogs are my stories. I plan to have the stories printed each year for the kids - something for them to share with their kids and with each other. I remember that day at their kitchen table vividly. When my daddy died suddenly, I had no regrets. We had made more than a lifetime of stories and not one thing ever went unsaid. What a difference.
DeleteI love this. I am on a journey to making stories too that will last through generations. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteMary-andering Creatively
Mary-andering Among the Pages