I find myself looking forward to Fridays these days for the express reason that I HAVE to write on Fridays - I have to! I made a commitment to myself that I was going to join with a group of women who write powerful, wonderful, wistful things every Friday - 5 minutes at a time. How wonderful that today's prompt is "Write"! Here goes....
I was raised to have a 'stiff upper lip'. No whining. Not too much emotion (failed). Suck it up. and that's what I'm good at. Evolved as I am - ready to cry at the drop of a hat today, I find myself a bit of a hard case. I do hide my feelings - behind sarcasm, or laughter, jokes, organizing closets - things like that. I try to be strong for my kids, my mom, the people who happen to be in whatever room I am in, my co-workers (back in the day when I had co-workers), the people in line at the grocery, at Target, in traffic. Tough. Glass half full.
Tough way to live when you are the primary caregiver for your family. But what good would it do to talk out your frustrations or tell stories that can't be changed or made better. This ALZ is not something that gets better. Or less frustrating. Or has a happy ending. It is what it is.
So I write. I started this blog to capture my kiddos lives and to share with their Grandma who is the world's best grandma and, sadly, is the farthest away grandma. And then mom got sick...
I decided to write about this struggle. About the things that happened daily so I would remember. So my kids would have them as reference when my time comes to forget. That's all it was supposed to be.
As it turns out - writing is praying. Writing is therapy. Writing makes me brave and resilient and stronger than I ever thought I could be. Writing is memories. Writing, even when no one is reading it...is sharing with the universe. You never know who may come across something I've written and realize they are not alone. Maybe this will be my "Notebook" and will help me when my children come to visit and I can't remember who they are. Writing...there goes the alarm!...is warm and cozy and hot chocolaty. Writing is air and water and sustenance. Writing is sanity! Man, I love Fridays!
This post is part of Lisa Jo Baker’s Five Minute Friday, in response to the prompt “write” I wrote for 5 minutes and published without editing, in 5 minute Friday tradition.
I was raised to keep those emotions inside, too:) We were told we had to be strong for others. Writing is being with God sometimes - working through His promises in the midst of a challenge:) It is therapy, too - and loving through writing. Your story is one of honor and nobleness, taking care of your mom, giving back. Sometimes I think our culture has forgotten that's what we used to do!
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