The Sounds of Alzheimer's

Every day brings something new - usually not something new and improved, but something new and different or new and more challenging or new followed by a big ole question mark!

New and improved would be seeing any improvement in mom - her ability to do for herself, her attitude, her mood, her enjoyment of life and of course, her memory.  I know it's not possible - but a girl can dream!

New and different isn't different to mom - to her it's the way it's always been and she should know and I should stop arguing.  The other day she decided she was supposed to get dressed before she got cleaned up.  I come from a family where we didn't all get ready in the morning in the same big bathroom.  We didn't have a big bathroom - one at a time, thank you very much.  But I have no idea how "she's always gotten ready". 

BUT - since she has lived with us, she has gotten up and headed straight to the bathroom to wash her face, brush her teeth and put her dentures in.  Every day.  Every day.  Not most days.  Every day.  THEN she makes her bed, gets dressed, puts on some make up, combs her hair and we have breakfast.  I time the toast by the sound of hairspray. 

Timing is important in our family's dance with ALZ.  Mom can't handle it when she comes into the kitchen and breakfast isn't ready.  I don't think she knows that that's how we usually do it, but she sure knows it's not right when it's not that way!  And that sets off a chain of anxiety that she just doesn't need.  So I time the toast to the sound of hairspray.  I get up and get ready in a certain way to ensure that she gets to maintain the all-important timing of her day.  It's the least I can do.

However - I am not a superhero.  I am not a mind reader, nor do I have a time machine or crystal ball to see into the future.  And if she is going to get ready before she gets cleaned up, I'm going to need a different cue to time the toast and I don't need that!  Anyway - that's a long way to explain that some days bring new and different...and for the sake of this post, let's just say this is also an example of new and challenging (although I meant more of the "I am pretty sure this is my nightgown, but I have no earthly idea how I am supposed to put it on.") when I say new and challenging.

This week has been full of new with a big ole question mark.  Mom has started being really vocal.  Not necessarily words vocal, but words, mumbles and sounds vocal.  There seems to be a fairly loud sound to go with all actions.  Getting dressed, making her bed (let's be honest - I make those sounds on some mornings!!!), getting up, eating - heck, even seeing what's on the table at meals may garner a sound!, seeing someone pass by the window, sounds to express opinion at every comment my daughter makes, the infamous "dee-dee-dee'ing" has reached epic levels and sadly, sounds to accompany everything that happens in the bathroom. 

It's sad and not at all unexpected...but I have 2 kids who are 12 and nearly 15 - bathroom sounds are funny.  They are fodder for faces, comments and their own sounds.  And I can't get mad at them.  I can ask them to be respectful - but they're bathroom sounds and if it was me or their daddy - they would be much worse on us than they are on grandma.  Or it's gross - and I'm ashamed to say that I feel that too.  I love my mom, but EW.  She raised me to be very private and "ladylike" about things like that.  I was never the kid who lit my farts or could belch the alphabet.  I would die.  And I am having the hardest time putting this new bathroom phenomena together with my mom.  And it's only been happening for about 3 days, so it could disappear just as suddenly as it appeared (I really hope so!) and it will just be another story.  But it could get worse.

And one of the things I am re-learning about my mom is that if she thinks she's getting to you - she's going to dial it up a notch.  When she "dee-dee-dee's" and she catches me trying to quite her down - she just sings louder.  I'm trying to warn the kiddos about this - don't make eye contact.  Don't break character.  Don't make a comment on the belching the bathroom announcements will just intensify and nobody wants that.  Nobody!

And you know what?  This would have been one of the stories I would have shared with mom and we would have laughed about in days gone by.  That's why I'm not beating myself up too much for not trying to shine this up and make it less-bathroomy than it is.  I guess I could try and romanticize it and make it like those people who grew up in New York City or Chicago and miss the sounds of gunshots when they move away...but I don't think I will even try! It's just another piece of this adventure we're in with mom and ALZ - I guess it's the soundtrack!!!