I'm not sure what causes it - maybe it's the confusion of keeping everyone straight, maybe it's because it's harder to believe this is Meadowlakes when my entire family is around, maybe there's some deep-seated regret about not taking time to be a part of my/her family, maybe it's just the change in her routine - but whatever it is, weekends when my entire family is home are really difficult for mom.
What I am sure of, is that these weekends are total bliss for me and there is nothing I/we can do to make it any easier on mom or to help her. The kids want to help - they are such good souls - and it's really tough to convince them that sometimes the best, kindest thing to do is just to leave the room and let her be.
The morning started pretty well, but yesterday was Peyton and I's movie day - we were going to see the new One Direction "This is Us" movie and mom does not like it when I leave. She also doesn't understand why she can't go - she used to love the movies in her little town - she went every week. I am still trying to decide if it's best to explain it to her - the physical limitations and issues with taking her, the mental issues that would make it difficult to take her or the just plain - why on earth would you want to go see the new 1D movie? For the sake of my daughter, I just talked around it and we made our escape. We did the whole weekend dress up wear, we spent way too much money on movie snacks and we wore 3-D glasses. It was a wonderful 2 hours...2 and a half actually - we got there really early - I can't help it!
I had high hopes that it would be one of the things mom chose not to hold onto and all would be well when I got home. It was half and half. I could tell that she knew something was off and I could feel myself starting to fall prey to the guilt and somehow we made it through the afternoon with a tiny bribe of ice cream in the afternoon.
I could tell mom was off her game because mom walked back and forth between the living and family rooms at least 2 dozen times - no idea what she was looking for or if she found it, but it seemed to calm her down to leave one room and go into the other.
The evening was good - Buckeye football, wings, Rally fries on tv trays in the living room. She tried so hard to get into the game for the first quarter or so and then she settled into being contented with being with everyone and pretending to be watching. I caught her sneaking naps and some crossword puzzle action!
Today everyone was home with a ton of yard work looming. I invited mom outside but it is just too hot! Well over 100 today and she can't handle it...heck, I can hardly handle it! The entire family got in on the lawn work - mowing, trimming, edging, cutting back tree limbs, sweeping sidewalks, cleaning up flower beds. We were exhausted and disgusting and mom didn't even notice. She wanted her lunch on time and she is bored. "It'd be nice if there were something going on around this place. I get so sick of just sitting here all day." It's so frustrating. It's not her fault and I don't mind reminding her of all that has happened, but when you are covered with dirt, sweat, stink and have sticks in your hair - it's nearly impossible to imagine that she can't see the cues that scream YARDWORK!!!
Oh well, Patrick has the kiddos at Target getting Murph's school supplies and I am trying to get mom interested in Julie and Julia, but she has moved into the "have we had dinner yet" time frame. 60 minutes til dinner - probably 20 times asking one version or another of that question. She has started coming into the kitchen to stand by the island while I cook - I like that! It feels like something we do "together".
I must go preheat and start the process...60 minutes until the entire family sits down together for Sunday dinner!
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