Yesterday was mom's birthday - 86 years old! As soon as the calendar (or in her case, the change on her white board) turns to September, mom starts talking about having a birthday and getting another year older. She hints, she mentions, she manipulates, she drives everyone crazy! BUT, she remembers that her birthday is in September - that's an accomplishment and something to be celebrated.
I actually LIED about the date on her board for Sunday, because I knew it would bother her all day. I made it the 19th and since we only watch football or recorded shows on Sundays - no big deal! Then on Monday I put a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY on her board. Why not!? It had it's pros and cons, but it made her happy!
I picked out her favorite sweatshirt for her to wear, made her most favorite breakfast - sunny side up eggs with an extra smidge of salt, bacon, crisp but not burnt and toast with an obscene amount of jam and some french roast coffee.
I sat with her and asked her questions about her favorite birthdays - not much response, but it had bright moments. I told her ahead of time that we were going out for lunch even though I knew she would obsess about it. I decided days ago that I would smile brightly and celebrate her all day long if that's what it took. I would remind her that today was her birthday and pretend to be hearing her response for the very first time. I would laugh at her "another year older" joke every single time. I would hold her hand and hug on her and look her right in the eye and smile. I would take every insult she chose to make about everyone forgetting her birthday and not take it personally. I would respond with love and gentleness because that might be the best present I could give her.
She had a full day - I brought home froofy coffees after dropping the kiddos off and we sat outside. She had a nurse's appointment (aced it!), we went out for lunch, we ran some errands and she had a PT appointment and exercises. I planned a delish family dinner and baked what used to be her favorite cupcakes - yellow with chocolate frosting...FROM SCRATCH!
Evening came and she started down the Sundowner's path where kindness does not live. She snapped at me, she snapped at Peyton, she grumbled under her breath about who knows what, she was at her wits end as dinner time drew near. She was mad as heck when I had to leave and take Murph his baseball gear. Dinner was challenging - no matter what the family was talking about, she would interrupt mid-sentence and ask what day it was. We all smiled and said "It's your birthday today!" She cried when we sang happy birthday to her and said "I thought everyone had forgotten" and finally she went to bed.
Today she is way off her game - somewhere deep inside she knows something is different - her age, what she did yesterday, something special she should remember...and it's weighing on her. She is wandering. She is mumbling. She is hoarding/hiding. and the latest in fun-stressed-out-mom activities - she is reading our mail, going through the kids homework, opening books and photo albums, notebooks, anything she can get her hands on. She thinks her name is my name and that I am her mother - not the other way around and she is down-right GRUMPY.
Today she is the picture of "Glass Half Empty". I have always been "Glass Half Full" - I get that from my Daddy. I can't help it. I am fully aware that my life would be easier if I could be less optimistic and more realistic, but that's not how I am wired! I struggle with GHE folks. Imagine my surprise that mom has that in her. I wouldn't trade yesterday for anything - not even a smoother today. But man, oh man, I am burning through some patience!
Happy Birthday Mom - I don't know what you wished for when you blew out your candle - but I hope it comes true!
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