Goldilocks

I remember when I was a teenager and I would jokingly call my mom "Woman" and she would call me "Child" - a true testament to our non-traditional mother/daughter relationship!

If I had to pick a nickname for her these days - it would be Goldilocks.

Everything is TOO...too hot, too cold, too spicy, too bland, too bright, too dark, too dressy, too casual, too soft, too firm, too loud, too quiet.

I have no doubts this is her way of expressing that she knows things are different.  And even though she has no idea what the exact differences are - she is going to express it in the only way she knows how....TOO.

There are days when my heart is endless and I answer and respond with kindness and patience and then there was yesterday.  There was just a bit too much TOO in yesterday.

The tv was always TOO quiet.  There was TOO much breakfast.  TOO little lunch.  TOO small a portion of dog food for "that poor doggie".  TOO many cars at the neighbors house (I actually agree with that!).  TOO warm to wear a sweatshirt.  TOO cold in this damn house.  TOO!

I found myself sneaking into other rooms to get away from the constant complaining....because when I have too little heart and patience for TOO, it's not her way of expressing herself, it's complaining, plain and simple!  I hid upstairs for nearly an hour "making beds" and "putting away laundry".

The funny thing is - mom thinks she has more power and control than she has, and she can tell when I am annoyed with her.  Yesterday that resulted in really loud "dee-dee-deeing" and Sophie obsession.  She was challenging me.  At one point she tried to lure me into an argument about feeding the dog and every time I would answer her she would smile at me and start dee-dee-deeing and then turn her head.  She did this twice before I could tell I was losing it and I had to walk away.

She followed me and did it all over again.  I walked away.  She followed me and tried to start again and I shut her down.

I am finding that the only way to end a string of these challenges is to be stern with her.

It's like putting a child in timeout and adding minutes when they don't comply.  It's awful.  I don't want to be her mother.  I want to be her daughter or her caretaker or a casual acquaintance, but I don't want to be the stern school marm or nun at Catholic school.  Once I am as clear and concise as I can be (and stern) she gets it and it stops for an hour or so.  That's a benefit to my sanity, but it's a wound at the same time.  Because every time she gets it, it reminds her that she is NOT in control, she is no longer independent and that her life has drastically changed.  It makes her sad.

On a bright note, she doesn't sass or dee-dee-dee when she is sad.  She doesn't argue with me over every detail when she is sad.  Tough bargain.

The sadness, like everything else, doesn't last.  She rebounds quickly and it all starts over.  The sidewalk is TOO bumpy, the car is TOO small, the mealtimes are TOO late, the girls are TOO loud, Keaton's practices run TOO late and I am TOO bossy.

Sometimes I find JUST RIGHT.  I bribed the kids and mom with McDonald's for dinner - JUST RIGHT.  I turned the volume up to 32 on Ellen - JUST RIGHT.  I showed proper interest and sympathy when she talked about getting hit by that car when she was in grade school for the 10th time yesterday - JUST RIGHT.  I gave her a hug and a kiss goodnight after she finally got in bed - JUST RIGHT.

This ALZ Goldilocks is strengthening my patience muscles - who knows what the grand plan is for me - but I will be ready if it requires Herculean patience and the ability to keep trying until I get it JUST RIGHT!

By the way - she is already pushing my buttons again today...I will make it a game, an M & M for every time I don't get frustrated...hope I'm hungry!