Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Faith in the middle of a pile of laundry...

Today my goal was going to be "patience".  Yesterday I struggled to find patience - mom was in a strange place and I found it terribly annoying.  I didn't lose my temper, but I was curt.  I was more stern than I like to be when I know it's not her fault.  I also got some bad news from the nurse yesterday - mom's INR is high again.  Not "go straight to the ER" high, but high enough to have to contact her doctor and make some dosage changes.  And after the last few months and incidents - it makes me nervous.  And for me, nervous = edgy.

So instead of being patient, I came home to another wet bed.  And not just a wet bed, a "throw back the covers AND the moisture barrier" wet bed....all the way to the mattress wet.  And it's the 3rd wet bed in the past week and I found patience impossible to channel.  Truthfully, I couldn't even spell it for about 10 minutes.

And - I had 2 girls to get to ballet intensive and lunches to pack and breakfast to make and a boy to pick up and now laundry to do...and it's a Mina day, so I need to be ready to get my 3 hours of respite by 11:30!!!  So, since patience was out of reach - I decided to grab onto FAITH.

There is a lesson is all this.  I believe it.  There is a reason for all this.  I believe it.  I was given 2 beautiful children to teach.  I believe it.  Mom is unable to be responsible or learn 'any better'.  I know it all the way down to my toes.  And God is watching.  Some days I think He's watching out for me.  Some days I think He is testing me.  And some days I am guessing He is rolling His eyes at me.

C'mon Lisa!

There are more blessings in my new life than I ever imagined.  I have a confidence in my abilities that are directly because of this time caring for my mom.  I saw the face of God in the sky this morning and I knew it.  And just like my Daddy used to tell me after a tough day at school or at the motel - "Have a little faith.  It makes everything possible.  But God never said it would be easy!  Cuz in the hard - that's where you find out what you are made of!"

Words of wisdom.

I used to think people filled with FAITH were over-the-top happy.  They rejoiced at the drop of a hat.  And I bet those people do exist.  I see them all the time at the grocery and at the gym.  They have perfectly highlighted trendy haircuts.  They are tan.  They have French mani/pedis.  They have coordinated, made-to-go-out-in-public workout clothes.  Their dentist whitens their teeth so their faith smiles really pop!  They are 'blessed', no matter what the question.  They beam and glow and praise Jesus and smile when they are up to their elbows in excrement.  Sadly, I do not have that kind of faith.

I have the 'hand on my shoulder, everything's going to be alright' kind of FAITH.  I have the 'God will still love me even if I'm wearing my husband's t-shirt and day-old yoga pants' kind of faith.  I smile, but more at myself when I realize that I am overreacting.  I praise, but silently and with a bit of shame at the fact that I may have just lost my cool or misplaced my faith for a minute.  I rarely glow - except for that nice way southern women talk about women like me who sweat in July!  I do beam - but usually in a more private moment, because my relationship with God and with faith is very personal.  And until I started writing - personal meant "keep it to yourself".  

All I know is I believe.  I believe in the inherent good of all mankind.  I believe in a God who understands and is patient and kind and tolerant and far more open-minded that many of my more traditional Christian friends.  I believe.  And when you boil it all down - that's what faith really is at it's core.

And faith gets me through a lot of trials that come with being a caregiver.  And a momma.  And a wife.  And a neighbor.  And a driver on any freeway in the DFW metroplex!

It's easier to be kind when you believe in a God who's got your back.  A God who is always there, even when you forget and try and forge on all alone (ha!)  The issues and challenges and wet bedding and constant questioning and whatever else the world throws at me will still be there.  And it will still be frustrating and hard and a little bit icky on some days...but my FAITH is always there to boost me up.

And even if you call it something else - I hope you have something you believe in that makes your life fuller and brighter and safer.  Something that lets you know everything is going to be alright.

Linking up on my website My Sweet Peanut  for One Word Wednesday.  As you can probably tell - today's prompt is FAITH.  Head on over and tell me your story!


  1. I wouldn't say the people you see with the whitened teeth and beautiful clothes are the ones with the most faith. Faith tends to make a person focus on other things besides how they look...their attention is directed toward God. It's an inner thing. Someone once said, "Strength is when you're pushed into a corner and have nowhere to go." That's pretty true. It's when we're tested that we really find out about ourselves...and I think that's when we're closest to God.