#sharkrap cracked mom up - how is that possible?...but she laughed out loud!
Hair appointment baby step - I sat in the entry room and read while she got her hair done - felt almost like a vacation. She was happy, I may actually finish the book I started in June!
When mom decides to get nasty - STOP! any attempt to speak, act, smile, frown, change the subject is just asking for trouble. Just look down, move slowly and wait for the storm to pass.
Mom prefers Peyton's school car-rider line to Central's - high schoolers require more explanation!
If mom refuses to do her exercises/walking. I just get up and move from room to room and she follows me - it's kind of cheating, but it gets her up and moving!
Had to buy scented body wash for TKP - when I use the unscented stuff I still smell like chlorine after I shower and it torments mom...what is that smell, you don't have a pool, are we at the motel?
Mom has zero memory of Bob, her second husband - even with pictures. She still remembers daddy - but it's fading...so sad!
Mom likes Monk - it's the one thing she and Peyton can watch together. If Peyton laughs, so does mom. When mom laughs, so does Peyton.
AnnMarie, our hairstylist, loves to tease mom about finding a boyfriend. If she only knew!
I am so glad my entire family is home tonight....I have faith that mom will go to bed without incident and we may get to spend a couple of hours together.
Friday, August 30, 2013
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Sometimes you've just gotta laugh...
It's been a couple of long days. Tuesday, the kids went back to school and with that - all the little changes that a family has to make to survive. Obviously, I've never given much thought to the impact changes like this have on the person NOT instituting the changes. When the kids complain about early bedtimes, I ignore them - I know best, after all! When they fuss about rationed time for electronics, tv, friends - I ignore that too. And I've always been able to use the rationale that "if you want to _____________ (play baseball, be in dance, have friends over, get into a good college), then you'll ______________ (keep your room clean, get your homework done first, be upstairs and in bed by 10:00)" It makes sense to them. Especially Keaton - my totally motivated by incentives child. Peyton is still young enough that she listens to me and is clinging to the belief that her mom is pretty smart.
The wrinkle this school year? Mom!
All summer long she has been sound asleep before I started the kids on their nighttime routine. The house has been quite until she finished her breakfast. Meals happened at mealtime. And all of this agreed with her. (I think I may have mentioned that mom expects to be the center of the universe!)
Tuesday night was one of the most difficult nights my family has had since she moved in. I was trying to organize kid pick up with Patrick at work and not drag mom out of her comfort zone too much. I did okay starting out - picked up Peyton with mom in tow, came home, took Peyton to Gracies and got back before mom even missed me. Mom sat with me while I prepped dinner - turkey burger patties made, potatoes cut up to roast, table set, peaches sliced. I got her a snack to "tide her over" since we weren't going to eat until 6:30ish. Then it was time to pick up Keaton and get Peyton from Gracies and get Peyton to tap. I ran to get Murph, grabbed Peyton and dropped Murph off to sit with mom while I drove her to the dance studio. She decided she had to run in to grab a snack (for a 45 minute class!) and I decided to wait in the car - we were cutting it pretty close.
Apparently mom threw into a full-on tantrum at the kids - she thought I was her sister, I was stealing her car and she had been left alone for HOURS and the kids needed to tell me to come inside NOW. Keaton tried to explain, Peyton didn't know what to do so she just ran out to the car. She told me mom was upset that I was stealing her car, but I didn't get the full impact of how crazy she had gone (we were running late and that traditionally dulls my judgement concerning the importance of anything that isn't about getting where I am trying to go!) No worries though, right? I passed Patrick coming home as we were turning out of the neighborhood. WRONG! By the time he got here - she was ticked off and being pretty ugly to Keaton - who, bless his heart, was trying to calm her down and reason with her.
Lots transpired - Patrick and Keaton went outside to start the grill and toss the baseball. I got Peyton to dance, paid her tuition and came home. Mom was annoyed by the time I got home - by now a stranger had come into the house, grabbed her keys and stolen her car (I think this was Peyton) and she'd been left alone all day since I left for work early this morning and she hadn't had a thing to eat all day. To her credit, she was a mess. I believe she was genuinely confused and had convinced herself all she was thinking was true.
We finally got sat down to dinner - she was in rare form ("I don't suppose there's enough for me to have some?", "I am so sorry to impose on your dinner - I thought my daughter was coming for me this evening or I'd have made other plans." and then some obsessive pickle eating. Mom loves her salt and she is not supposed to have much - so last night she made up for it by eating pickle slices. I put like 6 on her tiny turkey burger and she informed me that she prefers a few more. So I put 6 more on her plate and she put those on. Then she asked me, pointing at the jar of pickles, if those were pickles and could she have a few - I probably wasn't aware of her fondness for pickles. So I dug out a huge pile and she complained that she didn't need THAT many and then promptly ate them. Peyton's eyes got so big watching her - she was mesmerized.
The kids were trying to tell Patrick about their day and she kept interrupting with the most bizarre questions and statements (trying to get the focus back on her, I think, but maybe just trying to deal with her blowup from earlier - which I am sure she didn't remember in detail - just a vague knowledge that something off had taken place). Sometimes it hurts the kids' feelings when she does this, but they were troopers - they plowed right through, pausing to answer her or let me answer her. She couldn't get to the couch fast enough after dinner and the kids were so much help just so they'd have something to do in the kitchen.
It was also supposed to be our first immediate-family-only-night (I-FON - or i-Phone, as I like to call it!) - I was committed. Mom was pissed. I was firm. The family was uncomfortable.
After only one reminder that she needed to stay in her room - she rolled her walker out and sat down right between Patrick and I! - mom did her level best to follow the IFON rules. She did go to the bathroom about 10 times in 90 minutes and she took really long pauses in the kitchen making little noises to try and get someone to invite her over. We were strong and we ended up with an entire evening all to ourselves.
Her need to be where people are is actually quite sweet - and her efforts to be noticed, but to still do "what she is supposed to do" were so adorable. We'd hold a straight face for as long as she could see or hear us, but when she'd finally go back into her room, the kids would laugh and Patrick and I would roll our eyes.
We all know she doesn't mean to be ugly and that she is sick, but that doesn't always make up for the behavior. It was nice to bond as a family for a little while and the truth is - she didn't even remember any of it the next morning.
Yesterday was full of the same - too much to type, but she did eat 2 dinners - one at her dinner time and then another when I fed the kids "since no one had bothered to feed her yet" and she took out her dentures, cleaned them, put them back in the next trip to the bathroom (2 minutes later) and left them soaking in her ice cream dish. I am sure it wasn't the best thing for the dentures, but I was at a loss, so I left it. It really threw her off this morning....I tried to explain and decided against it. When I turned the tv off at 9:00 to get the kids started on their path to bedtime - she did that thing where she was a classic 'victim' and the kids were mean Meadowlakes residents who didn't want her in their clic and I was some kind of prison warden who was on their side and lying to her to make her look stupid. And there is the silver lining of the ice cream dentures...it would have been so easy to get angry about her words and actions and facial expressions and then she soaked her dentures in an ice cream cup. We've got it pretty good in comparison!
I spend the most time with her - so I can ignore it better than the kids - I know it doesn't hurt her to change the subject or just leave the room, I know she can't be reasoned with or convinced, I know my sanity depends on being able to ignore the bad stuff. I am learning that it's okay to laugh about some of the more ridiculous things she says and does - it's not done to hurt her feelings or to make fun of her - it's to release some of the tension brought on by having an ALZ patient in our lives 24/7. We are never mean and there is a reason there is a saying that says "If you don't laugh, you'll cry!"
Today is going to be another tough one - Keaton has his first football game, Peyton has dance, mom can't go to the game (it's going to be 103 at kickoff and the air quality is red) and Patrick's dad and Sue aren't able to come over like we had planned. I am going to try and get Peyton to dance, catch at least an hour of his Freshman game and get home before mom loses it. Hopefully get her dinner and settled down before everyone else gets home....hopefully!
The wrinkle this school year? Mom!
All summer long she has been sound asleep before I started the kids on their nighttime routine. The house has been quite until she finished her breakfast. Meals happened at mealtime. And all of this agreed with her. (I think I may have mentioned that mom expects to be the center of the universe!)
Tuesday night was one of the most difficult nights my family has had since she moved in. I was trying to organize kid pick up with Patrick at work and not drag mom out of her comfort zone too much. I did okay starting out - picked up Peyton with mom in tow, came home, took Peyton to Gracies and got back before mom even missed me. Mom sat with me while I prepped dinner - turkey burger patties made, potatoes cut up to roast, table set, peaches sliced. I got her a snack to "tide her over" since we weren't going to eat until 6:30ish. Then it was time to pick up Keaton and get Peyton from Gracies and get Peyton to tap. I ran to get Murph, grabbed Peyton and dropped Murph off to sit with mom while I drove her to the dance studio. She decided she had to run in to grab a snack (for a 45 minute class!) and I decided to wait in the car - we were cutting it pretty close.
Apparently mom threw into a full-on tantrum at the kids - she thought I was her sister, I was stealing her car and she had been left alone for HOURS and the kids needed to tell me to come inside NOW. Keaton tried to explain, Peyton didn't know what to do so she just ran out to the car. She told me mom was upset that I was stealing her car, but I didn't get the full impact of how crazy she had gone (we were running late and that traditionally dulls my judgement concerning the importance of anything that isn't about getting where I am trying to go!) No worries though, right? I passed Patrick coming home as we were turning out of the neighborhood. WRONG! By the time he got here - she was ticked off and being pretty ugly to Keaton - who, bless his heart, was trying to calm her down and reason with her.
Lots transpired - Patrick and Keaton went outside to start the grill and toss the baseball. I got Peyton to dance, paid her tuition and came home. Mom was annoyed by the time I got home - by now a stranger had come into the house, grabbed her keys and stolen her car (I think this was Peyton) and she'd been left alone all day since I left for work early this morning and she hadn't had a thing to eat all day. To her credit, she was a mess. I believe she was genuinely confused and had convinced herself all she was thinking was true.
We finally got sat down to dinner - she was in rare form ("I don't suppose there's enough for me to have some?", "I am so sorry to impose on your dinner - I thought my daughter was coming for me this evening or I'd have made other plans." and then some obsessive pickle eating. Mom loves her salt and she is not supposed to have much - so last night she made up for it by eating pickle slices. I put like 6 on her tiny turkey burger and she informed me that she prefers a few more. So I put 6 more on her plate and she put those on. Then she asked me, pointing at the jar of pickles, if those were pickles and could she have a few - I probably wasn't aware of her fondness for pickles. So I dug out a huge pile and she complained that she didn't need THAT many and then promptly ate them. Peyton's eyes got so big watching her - she was mesmerized.
The kids were trying to tell Patrick about their day and she kept interrupting with the most bizarre questions and statements (trying to get the focus back on her, I think, but maybe just trying to deal with her blowup from earlier - which I am sure she didn't remember in detail - just a vague knowledge that something off had taken place). Sometimes it hurts the kids' feelings when she does this, but they were troopers - they plowed right through, pausing to answer her or let me answer her. She couldn't get to the couch fast enough after dinner and the kids were so much help just so they'd have something to do in the kitchen.
It was also supposed to be our first immediate-family-only-night (I-FON - or i-Phone, as I like to call it!) - I was committed. Mom was pissed. I was firm. The family was uncomfortable.
After only one reminder that she needed to stay in her room - she rolled her walker out and sat down right between Patrick and I! - mom did her level best to follow the IFON rules. She did go to the bathroom about 10 times in 90 minutes and she took really long pauses in the kitchen making little noises to try and get someone to invite her over. We were strong and we ended up with an entire evening all to ourselves.
Her need to be where people are is actually quite sweet - and her efforts to be noticed, but to still do "what she is supposed to do" were so adorable. We'd hold a straight face for as long as she could see or hear us, but when she'd finally go back into her room, the kids would laugh and Patrick and I would roll our eyes.
We all know she doesn't mean to be ugly and that she is sick, but that doesn't always make up for the behavior. It was nice to bond as a family for a little while and the truth is - she didn't even remember any of it the next morning.
Yesterday was full of the same - too much to type, but she did eat 2 dinners - one at her dinner time and then another when I fed the kids "since no one had bothered to feed her yet" and she took out her dentures, cleaned them, put them back in the next trip to the bathroom (2 minutes later) and left them soaking in her ice cream dish. I am sure it wasn't the best thing for the dentures, but I was at a loss, so I left it. It really threw her off this morning....I tried to explain and decided against it. When I turned the tv off at 9:00 to get the kids started on their path to bedtime - she did that thing where she was a classic 'victim' and the kids were mean Meadowlakes residents who didn't want her in their clic and I was some kind of prison warden who was on their side and lying to her to make her look stupid. And there is the silver lining of the ice cream dentures...it would have been so easy to get angry about her words and actions and facial expressions and then she soaked her dentures in an ice cream cup. We've got it pretty good in comparison!
I spend the most time with her - so I can ignore it better than the kids - I know it doesn't hurt her to change the subject or just leave the room, I know she can't be reasoned with or convinced, I know my sanity depends on being able to ignore the bad stuff. I am learning that it's okay to laugh about some of the more ridiculous things she says and does - it's not done to hurt her feelings or to make fun of her - it's to release some of the tension brought on by having an ALZ patient in our lives 24/7. We are never mean and there is a reason there is a saying that says "If you don't laugh, you'll cry!"
Today is going to be another tough one - Keaton has his first football game, Peyton has dance, mom can't go to the game (it's going to be 103 at kickoff and the air quality is red) and Patrick's dad and Sue aren't able to come over like we had planned. I am going to try and get Peyton to dance, catch at least an hour of his Freshman game and get home before mom loses it. Hopefully get her dinner and settled down before everyone else gets home....hopefully!
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Thank you Jimmy Fallon
I have always thought Jimmy Fallon was hysterical - everything I've seen him do cracks me up. I'm beginning to think it's genetic! I started recording Late Night a couple of weeks ago so I could see Timberweek again and the most convenient time to watch them is after lunch with mom. She loves the show!
I am convinced she doesn't get all the humor, but you just can't hide funny! We laugh and smile and she stays in a good mood for the entire show. I have tried it with Ellen and Steve Harvey and Dave (sorry Jay, you're just not my cup of tea) and none of them entertain mom like Jimmy!
Today, the first day of school, was a good day. Got the kids off without a hitch, mom none the wiser - she slept through it all! Had breakfast, did her PT exercises, cleaned bathrooms and did laundry, had lunch and then watched Jimmy until time to go get in the car-rider line. Side note: can't fast forward through commercials if mom is in the room - that really throws off the Happy Fallon mojo! And I am LOVIN' the Happy Fallon mojo!
I am convinced she doesn't get all the humor, but you just can't hide funny! We laugh and smile and she stays in a good mood for the entire show. I have tried it with Ellen and Steve Harvey and Dave (sorry Jay, you're just not my cup of tea) and none of them entertain mom like Jimmy!
Today, the first day of school, was a good day. Got the kids off without a hitch, mom none the wiser - she slept through it all! Had breakfast, did her PT exercises, cleaned bathrooms and did laundry, had lunch and then watched Jimmy until time to go get in the car-rider line. Side note: can't fast forward through commercials if mom is in the room - that really throws off the Happy Fallon mojo! And I am LOVIN' the Happy Fallon mojo!
Monday, August 26, 2013
Protecting my sanity???
Tomorrow is the kid's first day of school. This is a big deal in our house and it is so bizarre that mom can't remember and doesn't care. I can tell it is frustrating me and I am not quite sure what to do about that.
I can't:
She just doesn't like it when the attention is clearly not on her or we are talking about something she doesn't understand or can't follow. How terribly sad that she can't remember that her grandchildren are heading back to school tomorrow. How sad that whenever they tried to show off an outfit or those Academy sneaks we finally bought she talked about how long ago she was in school and how she was glad she didn't have to deal with that stuff anymore. I was a little sad that she never once thought about my first days of school. I mean, I don't remember it being a big deal, but the bts shopping was and the first day outfit was. It turned out she didn't realize who I was - at some point she seemed genuinely surprised that I didn't grow up on a farm like she did. Me, on a farm! HAH! I dream of rural Lisa, I read the Helen and Scott Nearing book, I shaved pigs ears at the Allen Co Fair (thanks Scot Lugibihl), farm Lisa has not ever existed outside some Little House on the Prairie daydreaming and one Laura Ashley prom dress!
So, tomorrow is the first day of 6th grade for Peyton and the first day of High School for Keaton and it will annoy the heck out of mom in the morning and then peace will descend on the house and mom will be the center of this universe until it is time to do pick up starting at 2:40.
For now, it's bedtime - and it's a school night, so I'd better go!
I can't:
- reason with her
- remind her
- scold her
- create empathy in her
- call back memories from my first days of school
- get her to read the sign I made that says "tomorrow is the first day of school"
She just doesn't like it when the attention is clearly not on her or we are talking about something she doesn't understand or can't follow. How terribly sad that she can't remember that her grandchildren are heading back to school tomorrow. How sad that whenever they tried to show off an outfit or those Academy sneaks we finally bought she talked about how long ago she was in school and how she was glad she didn't have to deal with that stuff anymore. I was a little sad that she never once thought about my first days of school. I mean, I don't remember it being a big deal, but the bts shopping was and the first day outfit was. It turned out she didn't realize who I was - at some point she seemed genuinely surprised that I didn't grow up on a farm like she did. Me, on a farm! HAH! I dream of rural Lisa, I read the Helen and Scott Nearing book, I shaved pigs ears at the Allen Co Fair (thanks Scot Lugibihl), farm Lisa has not ever existed outside some Little House on the Prairie daydreaming and one Laura Ashley prom dress!
So, tomorrow is the first day of 6th grade for Peyton and the first day of High School for Keaton and it will annoy the heck out of mom in the morning and then peace will descend on the house and mom will be the center of this universe until it is time to do pick up starting at 2:40.
For now, it's bedtime - and it's a school night, so I'd better go!
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Tomorrow's Sunday, Tomorrow's Sunday
Mom has Sundowner's and it's tough to live with and to watch. Last night she walked back and forth to her room to make sure it "was still there" 7 times in 10 minutes. She paces and mumbles and gets a look in her eyes that makes me so sad for her. She seems scared - I'm sure it's a form of anxiety, but when it's your family - you want to make them feel safe, feel better, feel relaxed. I have tried everything I can think of and depending on her mood or the severity of her anxiety - there isn't anything I can do.
She is taking a pill at bedtime that has some positive effects - it's not a knock out pill, that can worsen the ALZ and it's not an anti-anxiety medicine - that usually doesn't work on ALZ patients like it does on others. It's something we are trying with her physician and it seems to make her a bit more relaxed, but not until she is all the way in bed.
We've mastered the bedtime routine - sometimes mom gets a bit creative about it - which can make me nuts or crack me up. Last night she did everything in the normal order, but she "took the back way" to her room just to keep things interesting. But when she finally got in bed she was smiling.
Part of the nighttime routine is asking what day it is and looking at her white board that says what day it is and trying to make it all make sense. Then she asks what day tomorrow is. Last night after the third time she got a puzzled look on her face and said - "Wasn't there a song about that???? How did that go????" and then she started singing the funniest made-up song ever called....you guessed it...."Tomorrow's Sunday!!!" It went something like "Tomorrow's Sunday, Tomorrow's Sunday, do-dee-do-dee-dah. Tomorrow's Sunday, tomorrow's Sunday, la-dee-da-dee-dah!" and then she would giggle and start again. At one point Peyton came in and started singing along and it didn't even make mom mad.
She sang until she fell asleep and even after she fell asleep she would sort of mumble or hum her new song and smile...it was a really nice way to end the day.
She is taking a pill at bedtime that has some positive effects - it's not a knock out pill, that can worsen the ALZ and it's not an anti-anxiety medicine - that usually doesn't work on ALZ patients like it does on others. It's something we are trying with her physician and it seems to make her a bit more relaxed, but not until she is all the way in bed.
We've mastered the bedtime routine - sometimes mom gets a bit creative about it - which can make me nuts or crack me up. Last night she did everything in the normal order, but she "took the back way" to her room just to keep things interesting. But when she finally got in bed she was smiling.
Part of the nighttime routine is asking what day it is and looking at her white board that says what day it is and trying to make it all make sense. Then she asks what day tomorrow is. Last night after the third time she got a puzzled look on her face and said - "Wasn't there a song about that???? How did that go????" and then she started singing the funniest made-up song ever called....you guessed it...."Tomorrow's Sunday!!!" It went something like "Tomorrow's Sunday, Tomorrow's Sunday, do-dee-do-dee-dah. Tomorrow's Sunday, tomorrow's Sunday, la-dee-da-dee-dah!" and then she would giggle and start again. At one point Peyton came in and started singing along and it didn't even make mom mad.
She sang until she fell asleep and even after she fell asleep she would sort of mumble or hum her new song and smile...it was a really nice way to end the day.
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Can't Win for Losing
No idea if it was a common saying or not, but growing up, "Can't win for losing." was one of my mom's favorite sayings. And she had a lot of faves. Hotter'n Ole Billy By Dern, Older than Mathuzalah, 6 a-one, Hot enough to bake eggs....stuff like that!
Anyway, at 5:48pm yesterday I knew exactly what "can't win for losing" meant.
Peyton and I had "Meet the Teacher" at her school last night. And she was great about sharing with mom what would be happening - finding her room, getting her schedule, seeing which friends she had class with, seeing her teachers from last year, getting her locker - all that. And mom seemed to be so pleased to listen to Peyton - totally showing interest and smiling.
I talked to mom over and over about MTT and the PTA meeting and showed her the Box Tops we have been working on. She smiled again, seemed to be pleased that we were including her.
But like I said before, it was a jam-packed day. I tried to sit down with mom for about an hour before it was time to leave. I can sit with her and then run upstairs and do one thing or run into the kitchen or laundry room and do one thing and then come back and sit down again. It allows me to get things done and for mom to not feel neglected. I was able to get my makeup and hair done in little sections - I wonder if mom noticed my step-by-step transformation. Every time I came downstairs I was just a tiny bit more presentable!
I even ordered pizza last night - a bargaining chip to get Murph more excited about staying home and being in charge of dinner. A bargaining chip for mom too - she loves pizza!
All was well until it was time for me to take the girls to the school. I logically know that mom can't remember, but I am still baffled when she acts like she doesn't know that we are leaving even though we have been talking about it all day. That was when I realized "you can't win for losing". She was seated at the table - pizza, freshly brewed cup of coffee and grapes in front of her, her very handsome grandson as her dinner date and when I said, "Mom, remember, I have to take Peyton and her friend to Meet the Teacher at her school?" she curled up a sneer and said "Well, I supposed they do that...whether it's dinner time or not... But it doesn't seem very polite...not that it makes any difference I suppose....I'll just sit here..."...and that's all I heard. We had to go and nothing I could say would make her happy that we were leaving.
She apparently ate a good meal, was great with Keaton, complimented the coffee and told him how much she loved pizza. She didn't dwell on us not being there - she never even asked where we were. She sat with him in the family room for a bit and went in to sit in the living room when her ran out to tell the rest of his fundraising coupons.
That's where we found her when we got home. Fine as wine. Trying so hard to understand and be interested in Peyton's new teachers and her experience at the school. We even made her a big ole dish of coffee ice cream to eat while P and I had our pizza - mom can't remember that she's already eaten. Bad part of that is - the ice cream was much more interesting to mom than anything we had to say. It's disappointing in a way, but it's reality and it doesn't do much good to get your feelings hurt.
Every day is different, every day is a lesson, and every day is a blessing. Win or lose!
Anyway, at 5:48pm yesterday I knew exactly what "can't win for losing" meant.
Peyton and I had "Meet the Teacher" at her school last night. And she was great about sharing with mom what would be happening - finding her room, getting her schedule, seeing which friends she had class with, seeing her teachers from last year, getting her locker - all that. And mom seemed to be so pleased to listen to Peyton - totally showing interest and smiling.
I talked to mom over and over about MTT and the PTA meeting and showed her the Box Tops we have been working on. She smiled again, seemed to be pleased that we were including her.
But like I said before, it was a jam-packed day. I tried to sit down with mom for about an hour before it was time to leave. I can sit with her and then run upstairs and do one thing or run into the kitchen or laundry room and do one thing and then come back and sit down again. It allows me to get things done and for mom to not feel neglected. I was able to get my makeup and hair done in little sections - I wonder if mom noticed my step-by-step transformation. Every time I came downstairs I was just a tiny bit more presentable!
I even ordered pizza last night - a bargaining chip to get Murph more excited about staying home and being in charge of dinner. A bargaining chip for mom too - she loves pizza!
All was well until it was time for me to take the girls to the school. I logically know that mom can't remember, but I am still baffled when she acts like she doesn't know that we are leaving even though we have been talking about it all day. That was when I realized "you can't win for losing". She was seated at the table - pizza, freshly brewed cup of coffee and grapes in front of her, her very handsome grandson as her dinner date and when I said, "Mom, remember, I have to take Peyton and her friend to Meet the Teacher at her school?" she curled up a sneer and said "Well, I supposed they do that...whether it's dinner time or not... But it doesn't seem very polite...not that it makes any difference I suppose....I'll just sit here..."...and that's all I heard. We had to go and nothing I could say would make her happy that we were leaving.
She apparently ate a good meal, was great with Keaton, complimented the coffee and told him how much she loved pizza. She didn't dwell on us not being there - she never even asked where we were. She sat with him in the family room for a bit and went in to sit in the living room when her ran out to tell the rest of his fundraising coupons.
That's where we found her when we got home. Fine as wine. Trying so hard to understand and be interested in Peyton's new teachers and her experience at the school. We even made her a big ole dish of coffee ice cream to eat while P and I had our pizza - mom can't remember that she's already eaten. Bad part of that is - the ice cream was much more interesting to mom than anything we had to say. It's disappointing in a way, but it's reality and it doesn't do much good to get your feelings hurt.
Every day is different, every day is a lesson, and every day is a blessing. Win or lose!
Friday, August 23, 2013
Busy Friday for everyone but Mom
Today is shaping up to be one of those days where if you don't plan and execute everything perfectly, something will crash or someone will cry or something will get missed.
I, selfishly, HAD to get to TKP to swim - I am on a pretty impressive roll (for me) and I don't want to quit and lose this momentum. Keaton has his first football scrimmage. I have 2 doctor appointments. Peyton has a play date. Patrick has to work at 3:00. Keaton wants to sell his last 5 fundraiser coupons. I have a PTA meeting. Tonight is "Meet the Teacher" at PHIS. And mom needs all the things mom needs.
I am a planner. This is not a gray area. I am an alarm-clock-setting-pack-the-night-before-over-communicating-list-making planner. I make myself and those around me nuts. Part of what makes me nuts is this new situation with mom. It doesn't matter if I tell her what is planned for the day or if I put it on the calendar or if I write it on a note and tape it to her walker. She won't remember. This is different than if she has an appointment...those "stick" and although she can't remember details, she knows something is about to happen. My stuff, the kids' stuff, Patrick's stuff, Sophie's stuff - could care less. No room in the vault for that. So I listen to her complain about there not being enough to do - all the while I'm folding laundry, cooking her breakfast, doing dishes, feeding the dog, watering the plants, making beds, helping Peyton and trying to stay in touch with Patrick to see how Murph's scrimmage is going. (and YES, I am also dealing with the resentment of not being able to be there, but after mom's behavior yesterday with Peyton, no WAY am I leaving her here alone with mom....that just wouldn't be nice...and it's a scrimmage, not a game...but it's his first and I never miss firsts anymore...sigh...).
She is in rare form this morning. Doesn't want to do her memory games, doesn't want to work the crossword, read the paper, look at a magazine, watch tv or work the jigsaw puzzle. She is sitting in the red room gazing out the window and sighing at the rate of one long sigh per 3 minutes and 2-3 short sighs with some mumbling to show her displeasure, in between. It makes me sad. And not thinking of mom for a minute and thinking of me and P - it's a lot of pressure to fix it. We like it when mom is happy, we feel accomplished when she smiles and sings and 'da-da-dums'. But today we can't find the magic activity or conversation or show. ARRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH! Oh well, as long as we are trying our best and not taking her displeasure personally...I guess all will be well.
Time to help Peyton pack her school supplies for MTT tonight. Gotta get that checked off my list before I leave for the doctor.
I, selfishly, HAD to get to TKP to swim - I am on a pretty impressive roll (for me) and I don't want to quit and lose this momentum. Keaton has his first football scrimmage. I have 2 doctor appointments. Peyton has a play date. Patrick has to work at 3:00. Keaton wants to sell his last 5 fundraiser coupons. I have a PTA meeting. Tonight is "Meet the Teacher" at PHIS. And mom needs all the things mom needs.
I am a planner. This is not a gray area. I am an alarm-clock-setting-pack-the-night-before-over-communicating-list-making planner. I make myself and those around me nuts. Part of what makes me nuts is this new situation with mom. It doesn't matter if I tell her what is planned for the day or if I put it on the calendar or if I write it on a note and tape it to her walker. She won't remember. This is different than if she has an appointment...those "stick" and although she can't remember details, she knows something is about to happen. My stuff, the kids' stuff, Patrick's stuff, Sophie's stuff - could care less. No room in the vault for that. So I listen to her complain about there not being enough to do - all the while I'm folding laundry, cooking her breakfast, doing dishes, feeding the dog, watering the plants, making beds, helping Peyton and trying to stay in touch with Patrick to see how Murph's scrimmage is going. (and YES, I am also dealing with the resentment of not being able to be there, but after mom's behavior yesterday with Peyton, no WAY am I leaving her here alone with mom....that just wouldn't be nice...and it's a scrimmage, not a game...but it's his first and I never miss firsts anymore...sigh...).
She is in rare form this morning. Doesn't want to do her memory games, doesn't want to work the crossword, read the paper, look at a magazine, watch tv or work the jigsaw puzzle. She is sitting in the red room gazing out the window and sighing at the rate of one long sigh per 3 minutes and 2-3 short sighs with some mumbling to show her displeasure, in between. It makes me sad. And not thinking of mom for a minute and thinking of me and P - it's a lot of pressure to fix it. We like it when mom is happy, we feel accomplished when she smiles and sings and 'da-da-dums'. But today we can't find the magic activity or conversation or show. ARRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH! Oh well, as long as we are trying our best and not taking her displeasure personally...I guess all will be well.
Time to help Peyton pack her school supplies for MTT tonight. Gotta get that checked off my list before I leave for the doctor.
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