Keep Calm and Caregiver On

We've all seen it - Keep Calm and Carry On.  It's simple.  It's eye-catching and it's great advice.  I read somewhere that they were of British origin and went in search of the history of this simple poster and found it fascinating.  You can read it here:  History of the Keep Calm posters

I suppose I was drawn to them because I am not naturally calm.  I don't fly into fits of rage or tantrums.  But, I am high strung in many ways and obsessive in many others.  The opposite of calm.

So, although I am not naturally calm - I have to really focus into it - I understand the benefits of calm.

Especially these days.  My love of everything in it's place totally works with mom, even in the deepest depths of her Alzheimer's.  My love of everything happening as planned does NOT!

That's where calm comes in.  When I try and push mom to do anything - get ready for a doctor's appointment, be quiet so I can hear someone on the phone or get her to eat a vegetable - she pushes back.  And usually with Alzheimer's "logic" that is not logical.

She will quote conversations that never happened.  She will begin discussions on why she doesn't have to do whatever needs done based on appointments she doesn't have and places she hasn't been.  She will look at her green beans (all 7 of them) and tell me she already ate a helping and doesn't understand why she was given seconds.  ("the staff here is terrible")

It's full-on frustrating.

BUT, if I want to accomplish anything with mom, I must remain calm.  A calm caregiver helps create a calm mom.  She likes a fight.  She loves to win.  Calm throws her off her game. 

Deep down inside, mom knows me - maybe not my name or that I'm her daughter - but she KNOWS me and knows that I am not naturally calm.  So if I can maintain a calm demeanor, that part of her brain that still "knows" me assumes there is nothing out of the norm and makes her less agitated.  Less likely to fight.  More likely to get ready for the doctor or walk down the hallway to lunch or eat that green bean.

I have to use all my techniques to Keep Calm - yoga breathing, prayer, counting to 10, grinding my teeth, sneaking a bite of chocolate.  But it's worth it.  I accomplish more when I can remain calm.  Mom is less stressed, and therefore less confused when I remain calm. 

I guess if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!