Well, today was day 4 with mom at our house. She's really struggling with where she is, who she is...she is especially fixated on what day it is. Alzheimer's is a weird disease. It can be sad, frustrating, ironic, maddening and almost unbelievable in a 5-second span. I have heard stories of other people's family members who have suffered with this And spent time with the folks at mom's retirement community, but she's my mom and that adds a few layers!
She was never what you'd call a nurturer, but she was always strong and tough and had a good amount of sass. Today she was weak, negative, argumentative and a victim. It makes me wonder if at the heart of it all, you don't just forget details and names and things, but you forget who you are...who you were right down to your center.
Today she forgot me...looked right in my eyes and asked me if I knew if Lisa would be by today to get her. Of course I had to ask her who I was and she said "You're my daughter....(long pause)...but you're not Lisa." Such a strange experience.
The one thing she has NOT forgotten is that she has to be the center of attention - my least favorite part of AA Peggy (after Alzheimer's). She will cut me off in the middle of a story to talk about herself or her needs or ask the question of the day ("what day is it.") ... She even ignores the kids when they are trying to tell her something or show her something to talk about her woes, aches, pains, QOD, etc.. It breaks my heart.
Tomorrow I will make more calls and set up more appointments and try and help her settle into this new routine. God is good and continues to show me silver linings and beautiful skies and find perfect moments in every day...I have to remember to notice, but all things for a reason and in His time.
