One Word Wednesday: Gratitude

Thank you Ann Voskamp for writing One Thousand Gifts.  And thank you Nook for making it a "Deal of the Day" on just the right day.  And thank you evil recumbent bike for giving me 45 minutes with nothing else to do but plow through the heart-wrenching first chapter and get me to the blessing before I gave up on the book.

Thank you. 

The simplest of phrases.  The biggest of life-changers.

Learning to seek out reasons to be thankful.  To write down and define and photograph and share all the things I am thankful for.  To take the time to look deeply at situations and find the grace that may be hidden way, way down inside.  It has made me a better mother.  A better wife.  A better caregiver.

Don't get me wrong - I am so far from mastering the art of living thankfully!  I fall down and grumble and feel sorry for myself often.  And then I get back up, take a deep breath and add something to my list of 1000 gifts.  I am surprised most days at how simple it is to find something to add...

Fresh blueberries.  A robin at the bird feeder.  The big Texas sky.  My daughter singing.  My son shooting baskets in the backyard.  Billy Joel and Jimmy Fallon's doo-wap duet on the Tonight Show.  Belly laughs.  That delightful canned whipped cream!

Even on the bad days with mom - days when she is paranoid (the worst days for us) - I find gratitude in being there for her.  In the way she still knows - even though she doesn't remember anything else - that I am someone who will never let anything bad happen to her.

I choose to be thankful for things that could make me nuts - like our morning routine.  I choose to focus on what is good about staying on routine.  To celebrate the things mom gets right because we have a routine.  I choose to NOT resent routine.  Resentment would spoil the morning and leave no room for tiny celebrations.  Resentment would sour the taste of breakfast and make conversation strained.

Thank you has become one of my go-to prayers in the hard times.  Along about the 44th time of telling mom what day it is, it would be easy to be resentful.  But if I break it down with a grateful heart - I realize I can be thankful that I still know what day it is.  I can still comprehend and answer simple questions.  I still have my mom alive to pester me.  I have a strong, loud voice that she can hear better than a lot of other voices. 

Today, in the midst of 3 piles of laundry that needed to be done, meals that needed to be planned and prepared, kids that needed picked up, dropped off, chauffeured  here and there, a house that needs some cleaning and bills that always need to be paid...I got to sit and hold my mom's hand so she could relax and stop shaking.  I got to brush her hair and stand beside her for moral support while she did her physical therapy. 

Caregiving is a gift.  It may not be the fast, cherry red convertible that I dreamed of, but it's a reliable sedan that gets me where I need to be.  I just need to remember that.  And say thank you!